john read my horoscope this morning and I dont live my life by them (for some reason tho my chinese horoscope is more accurate in the description of my persona, scarlily so, im more of a Horse (element earth) than a leo/virgo cusp.
but yea after hearing that this morning ive been rationalising things a lot and the dreams and feelings lately (since yesterday i was very very unhappy until john brothers came around with their partners and had a bit of a nice natter, they are probabley the nicest townie type people. tho with them being family its got some baring on it, tho people in Aspley are generally ok so far.
Ive come up with a few conclusions about the dreams:
1: Im partly trying to "swim against the tide" rather than letting things be.
2: My perception on reality is probabley a bit wrong regarding some things, because possibley because of some form of attachment or a craving/desire. therefore making me unhappy.
3: Im not realising the above because im possibley in denial and am not as happy as I think I am. tho things with work and home are actually ok, "I", possibley am not.
Just remembering a description of the "ego" by OSHO, in his book "the heart sutra" which i read most of, in regards to not living in the present but in the past and/or future.
ego attaches itself to
Past: Corpses, skeletons and ruins of things long gone
Future: Illusions, dreams and fantasies
i may well be leaning possibley too much on the future rather than living in the present moment..
Im not sure where im going to go with this as im not sure if this is some kind of insight of if I have over intelectualised things or is just another random thought of mine which is a result of confusion caused by moving house or just the need to get things sorted to the place becomes a home. Im thinking when i go for my retrear in July, its going to be scary, no technology, no social politics and going to miss my friend tho i will be bringing my phone to keep in touch with people. Reality may well hit me hard but thats the idea.
Last night I was bored and unhappy at the same time before i went to bed, tried and write some random lytics as i had an idea in my head but did didnt quite arrive from mind to hand to pen to paper, was inspired while listening to a load of 80's electro that was on a CD I had from the very last blue silver that i went to, when i first met up with Val, Davian and Sami, awww this was when Kryogenix was running, a flood of nice memories of getting to know the people i do now, including berrega
.. this was in a time of course when we had a choice of which night to go to buuutt im looking forward to Genotype now because ive not been out for just over a month, tho i am quite happy just going to pubs at the moment it'll be nice to go and dance to some banging tunes. :-P
i was in the need to listend to some happy happy stuff.. OK :)
right i should get off as i have work in in less than half an hour and i need to get something to wake me up a little bit.
ive been having some strange dreamse lately, not bad but they are just a bid foo-bare. I cannot remember the specifics if i tried for the life of, tho have been waking up with a strange sense of urgency and remember the dreams haveing a rather distorted perception of the reality we live ini.e things being different from the way things normally work. also remember a feeling of having to achieve a certain goal or objective but usually failing completely or near missing it, i cant remember; usually feeling disappointed as a result.